Monday, October 4, 2010

...with heart abandoned...

The vocal team class last night went well past the hour we expected!! But that was OK!! It turned into something different than we planned. It ended up being 2 and half hours of prayer. Praying for each other, our church, our community, laying hands on each other and lifting each other up. It was DEFINATELY something we have been missing and needing as a group. It was tough to be in that room for me though. Although I needed it, I've been running from or fighting God on prayer for a while. I don't know what I feel about praying and that is a painful spot to be in.
I want so badly to believe and pray for big things. But when I have, nothing seems to change. And if God isn't moved by my faith to pray for "big" things, then why would He be moved by my prayer for "small" things, or anything. It has been a tough 6 or 8 months in that regard. Our life is pretty smooth right now, except for this battle inside me. We (my family) are running pretty smoothly, but prayer is something God has called me to do more of. I've been doing less. It hurts to step out on something and VIEW no results. BUT, I'm tired of wrestling.
So... I stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe, of the one who gave it all.
And I pray.
C