On Jan 27th a caller identifying himself as "Al from Dadeville", called the Paul Finebaum radio show and told Mr Finebaum that over a month ago (the weekend after the iron bowl) he drove to Auburn and applied a chemical called Spike 80DF to the soil around the trees at Toomer's Corner. The trees are going to die. Period.
http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/story/14698410/auburn-oak-trees-poisoned-at-toomers-corner
Now, I would love to tell you that I was shocked the moment that my lovely wife told me about the story last night. But...not so much. I could care less. "What if someone did that to The Hedges at UGA?", she asked, hoping I would then give the right response. Maybe I just had a rough day yesterday? I don't know. But, she is about to get the "right" response she was looking for. (She ain't gonna like it though...) I didn't get thoroughly disgusted until I heard the backwoods, inbred, country hick's voice that has "confessed" (really bragged) that he did this.
The audio can be heard here: http://www.finebaum.com/goout.asp?u=/Sectional.asp?id=38693
So, here is my response, as if you all cared:
The Iron Bowl is hereby, indefinitely, permanently, forever, CANCELLED. Yep, you heard me right. Of course, if we announce that, the collective gasp from the State of Alabama alone would require planting millions of extra trees to replace the oxygen. Anyway, it is cancelled. Why? I'm glad you asked.
YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT!
You aren't man enough. You aren't women enough. You are immature brats when it comes to that one day of the year. But, as anyone who lives/ or has lived in Alabama (or married into one of the two cults) knows, the other 364 days a year, you have to talk about that game or the next one, depending if your team won or lost. There is a great big world out there that has a lot more than football!! But, "Al from Dadeville" showed that the great state of Alabama, (one with such great land, great weather,great natural resources, to draw great companies and industry) deserves every inbred, toothless, redneck joke ever told.
One Disclaimer before I return to my opinion: The woman I married from Alabama is a smart, intelligent, college graduate with a great deal of common sense. Her family, is like my own. They are great and hardworking people. BUT, they cheer for Auburn, and anyone playing Alabama. Period. It doesn't matter if Alabama is the only SEC team with a chance to play for and win the National Championship. They despise them! In 2009, I watched my normally sane wife cheer for Florida in the SEC Championship game and then cheer for Texas in the National Championship game! Ugh.
Back to the regularly scheduled rant: What is wrong with the Iron Bowl? Nothing. The two schools have very proud traditions that make them both formidable opponents, but their respective fan bases are loony (cuckoo) (nuts) (off the deep end). I digress...
So, I get it. You are a fan of the Tide or the War Eagle and you are thinking, I would not condone, nor ever commit such an act of stupidity as this jack wagon "Al from Dadeville"! Right? That's what you are thinking huh?
Well, here is how you can tell that argument is stupid and you are NOT capable of continuing this rivalry with any civility. When this fellow "Al" finishes his 40 year prison sentence (if the judge is a fan of Auburn) or gets a "stern" warning (if the judge is a Bama fan), his business (I assume some type of landscape, because of the nature of Spike 80DF) will triple, because every Alabama fan within a 50 mile radius of his business will switch to him. The pat on the back, the wink. Not vocally condoning, but with their wallets collectively saying "attaboy".
The great state of Alabama's pride and resources ruined (again) by a redneck fellow named "Al" and all the folks that will privately support him. Good job Tide fans. Stand up and give a big ol "Roll Tide", while the rest of the civilized world continues to look at you wondering "how do we allow those folks 9 electoral votes?"
The Iron Bowl is cancelled, because as any good southern mom would say, "If you and little "Al" can't play nice together, then he will have to go home".
So finally, just to tick both of you off, I would like to say on behalf of the rest of the country:
Roll Eagle.
C
A Teacher's Goodbye
2 years ago
2 comments:
I love it Craig, and this comes from someone who was born in Alabama. I agree with you that most people act so immaturely over a football game. I grew up in a mostly Alabama fan family, but my daddy has always been an Auburn fan. We have fun kidding each other around about it, but honestly, when it comes down to it, it is just football and it is just for fun. We will cheer on the other unless they are playing each other. Of course, now that I married a Georgia fan I have become a Bulldog by marriage. SO Roll Eagle Dawgs!
You have cracked me up with this one!!! People do get crazy. Even though I went to AU and loved it, I never got in to this game. Good post!
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